Days 6 and 7- Fort Portal

We got home from Fort Portal at about ten last night, leaving everyone on the team exhausted beyond belief. I, like most, went to be straight after eating dinner (which was cold, since Carme the cook had done her job and left several hours ago). Which is more or less why I didn't blog- it usually takes me about an hour to, and if I had tried to blog then I would've fallen asleep at the keyboard and probably inadvertantly posted obscenities for everyone to see.

It was about a six hour drive there and back, which is terrible. I've probably spent more time on busses and planes than I have in villages, but I suppose I don't have any power over that.

I was actually looking to talk to Melody last night; but it seems they got sick of waiting and went to bed at normal human being time, unlike the rest of us. I'll talk to her later.

Mostly, I am overwhelmed.

The end of this trip is bearing down on me and I feel I need something I don't have yet.

For some reason, I feel as if I need some sort of ridiculous epiphany that will reveal some life-changing truth that will enable me to write music like John Lennon, but that is all easier said than done (and it's not particularly easy to say, either).

"I am the most self-centered person on Earth. What if that doesn't change?"
-Mike Greenberg

I feel pressure. From the Ugandans, from myself, from the team, from my family, from whoever might be reading this blog, and pretty much everyone else.

I feel pressure to make a difference, to change myself, to make an impact on the team, to be a different person, to write inspiring words, and to love everyone I don't know like Jesus would. But that's all easier said than done (once again, it's not particularly easy to say).

I'm pretty sure I'll find what I need in the people.

The people have what it is I need.

I think they have love. In fact, I'm almost positive that's what they have.

Not just any love, like Jesus-love. That kind of legendary love that God is always talking about but no one really knew what the crap we were supposed to do about it.

Case in point, yesterday.

We were sitting at a sort of preschool (I didn't happen to catch the name) and Amber recieved gifts (of course, she was subbing for Ben and Mel, who were sick and taking a trip to the doctor- they're alright), and Jaimie too (of course, she sponsored the family who she got the gift from), but then I got a hand-made mat and a hand-made basket from a woman I didn't exactly know.

My mouth was full; I struggled to say "thank you".

I racked my brain to find if there was anything I did that might've deserved a gift. I thought maybe she though I was Nate (no way) or Ben (NO way) but then everyone started recieving gifts. No one didn't get a gift.

That's something I need; the people here will give away weeks- months- of hard work for absolutely nothing.

In America, it's about the stuff. There's all sorts of stuff, and everyone has stuff, and everyone has nice stuff, and everyone wants nicer stuff.

They could care less about their stuff.

I think I need humility.

I've always thought myself quite humble (the humblest! . . .get it?). But it seems I didn't quite know humble.

Two days ago we visited a particularly remarkable old man.

He was "the most precious old man"- he was an indescribably happy man with one of the loveliest smiles I have ever seen.

He was being interviewed about his life after the sponsorship- before, he slept in a bit of a shack. He would get wet when it rained- when it rained at night, he would go in the corner of the little house in a sort of fetal position and sleep that way. He's got a house and a bed now- he says, he "sleeps like a king".

He also didn't have any dishes before, nothing to serve his guests on. Now he has a few, and he says he can "continentally serve" his guests.

Now, I know a thing or two about London, as I was just there. I saw the houses royaltly slept in. Enormous castles with huge towers, surrounded by gardens which are heavily guarded and surrounded by fences with barbed wire.

But he didn't say it out of ignorance.

He said it out of something that I don't quite have the word for. But I want it.

To put things in perspective, he is not in a nice house. It is an unattractive little home that is poorly pieced together, which provides little but shelter from extreme weather.

If I were staying there I am almost positive I would kill myself.

Unless, I think, I was staying with that man...

It's like that.



Today is a free day. I'll spend the whole day thinking about it.


I haven't even written about those two days yet!

Mike wants to get on to play Quake, and it's urgent, so I'll keep it short.

We visited Tooro High School, a pretty remarkable school that has big dreams and is going to build itself up into something.

We visited several families that have come a long way and are going to live long, fulfilling lives.

We visited another school, where we put on a puppet show (which went on dreadfully long since it had to be translated, but the kids adored it).



The hardest thing, I've found, is to walk away.



I was feeling awfully sad last night, and Michelle came over and talked to me, which is precisely what I needed. I am pressed for time, but I'll write about it later.


I think I'll enjoy this free day. I need some time to think.


I am determined to find out what I need,

but I am nervous that maybe I won't take it back with me.